I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
