The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
