I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
