STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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