i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
