Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize