Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
