It's like God shit irony all over that family
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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