Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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