I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
