Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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