That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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