apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
