Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize