My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
