Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
