i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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