and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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