well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
