If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
