weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
