I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize