he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
