The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
