I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
