Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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