sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
