I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize