I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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