I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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