my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
