well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
