i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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