Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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