I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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