My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
