I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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