i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
