she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
