her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
