I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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