I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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