I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize