I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
