well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
