So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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