That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
