cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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