I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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