That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
