Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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