her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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