Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Need sex. Gaining weight.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
