At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
