i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How naked do you want me to be?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
