In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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