i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
