No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i came on her dog
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize