So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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