1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
