Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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