The maid of honor just puked.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
