Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
