I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
