I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
