Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
