her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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