I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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