im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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