yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
