He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize