So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
