No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
