Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
