he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
