Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
