Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
