I faked an abortion last night.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Barsexuality is the new black.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
