I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
