A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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