Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
