Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
